Attend School Programs, Functions, Games, Recitals
My mother, Shpilkes, complained vigorously about attending our events; nevertheless she came to everything, enduring school plays, choir concerts, college and law school graduations, (but no athletics because the only competitive event for which we qualified was to see who was the klutziest).
I've attended events not only for my kids but also for my sister's, and observed that just as the annual play or concert begins to wear thin the kids achieve a new level of competence and excitement that keeps me coming back. As grandparents, Shpilkes and The Man From D.A.D. attend five times more kid events than they used to; my father would happily attend a showing of cotton balls glued on construction paper if any of his grandchildren had had a hand in it. Last weekend they flew halfway across the country, to Napa, California, to attend my niece's art school final show; TMF D.A.D kvelled (Yiddish for "bragged") to me for thirty minutes over the phone about my niece's forty foot long installation of airbrushed vellum, as well as the projects of 39 other high school art students he'd never even met before (he's an equal opportunity kveller).
Solicit And Honor Their Opinions
This is more than just "Do I look okay in this outfit?" Especially since we have one parent family, the kids and I consult on all sorts of issues, from home decor to vacation scheduling to meal planning.
Foot Massage
Nothing feels quite like having your toes rubbed with lotion, and a gentle foot massage provides a relaxing and intimate opportunity for some meaningful conversation.
Love Notes
Before Cleo and Robey could read I used to hide notes in their backpacks for their teachers to read to them. Sometimes I leave notes or pictures on their pillows if I'm going out for the night. Some of them are quite elaborate -- I've made puzzles, collages, mirror writing, cartoons -- just to say "I love you." Occasionally I'll leave greeting cards on their nightstands for them to find in the morning, and a few years ago I left Robey a puzzle every morning about the previous night's World Series scores. Sometimes I even find notes on my pillow.
Make And Preserve Personal Memories
All families have their little entertainments that evolve into traditions. One of ours is our annual addition to the kids' menorah and dreidel collections.
Laugh Over Silly Things
On our way to school we pass a fast food place. A couple years ago they posted a banner advertising a "Crispy Fish Taco"; at a quick glance I thought it said "Crispy Fiasco." I explained fiasco to the kids and we all got a giggle out of it; we still giggle every time we see the place, although the banner is long gone.
Help Make Their Fears Into Jokes, But Never Joke About Their Fears
Once when he was little, on a routine visit to the pediatrician, Robey gagged on the nurse's tongue depressor. I could see the fear on his face so I -- laughed. Robey laughed back, and now, even though he doesn't remember the original incident, he still thinks tongue depressors are really funny.
Frame And Proudly Display Their Artwork
Teach Them Independence And Let Them Use It
From the time they were six months old I gave both my kids a damp washcloth when they'd finished flinging food to the dogs eating, and they'd wave it around as if to wipe their faces. I encouraged them to help cook and clean up, and now they love to cook and love know how to clean up after themselves.
Set Firm Rules And Break Them Occasionally
What difference does it make if they miss their bedtime once in a while? Seat belts, however, are not negotiable.
Teach Them To Save And Invest
Using baby steps, TMF D.A.D. and I have begun walking Robey and Cleo through the workings of the stock market; they each own three shares of this or four shares of that. They check their accounts every day when they come home from school.
Apologize When You Know You’ve Been Wrong And Teach Them To Do The Same
I'm a steadfast proponent of "revisiting". I have ample opportunity to implement this one.
Let them know you’re proud of them
Let them overhear you tell other people how great you think they are. And while you're at it, tell them too.
Warm Their Beds
This family routine started last winter when I lay in Cleo's bed while she brushed her teeth and she noticed how warm the bed was when she got in. Now, when the weather's cold, my job is to lie in her bed and warm it up for her so she feels cozy when she gets under the covers. Even if I've only been there a minute and not changed the bed's temperature in any measurable way, it still makes a difference to her. It matters to me too -- I take my responsibility very seriously.
