Now Accepting Applications For The Position Of "Grandchild"

You may recall Schpilkes's motto: "Anything for a grandchild."  Pursuant to this creed, Schpilkes and The Man From D.A.D. have made it a tradition to take each of the grandchildren on a special, personalized trip in honor of the child's ninth birthday.  Why the ninth?

• Nine is an ideal age to show children special places -- they're old enough to stay awake and exhibit at least marginal interest in museums, architecture, history and culture; although they're beginning to perfect the eyeroll they haven't yet reached the stage of full-fledged contempt.
• Nine was Artypants's age when she whined pointed out that Schpilkes was always traveling and never stayed home; Schpilkes patted her on the wrist and tut-tutted: "It's okay honey -- I'll take you to Paris."
• Baseball is played in nine innings, the Supreme Court is made up of nine justices, and Beethoven wrote nine symphonies.

Schpilkes and TMFDAD did in fact take Artypants (and Curley) to Paris in honor of AP's ninth birthday, setting an immutable family precedent.  That year all the French museums were on strike, so they shopped and toured and Artypants spilled chocolate on herself at every meal.

Two years later the grandparents took Artypants's brother, Stretch, along with their father, Click, on an Alaskan cruise, where they took a helicopter to stand on top of a glacier and fished for salmon.  Hint:  when you catch a salmon in Alaska, have it smoked before shipping it home because those raw, frozen chunks:  eew.

Four years later, Sweet Talker's ninth birthday took him, the grandparents and Curley to London, where they saw all the usual sights, ST dropped flatware on the floor at every meal, and they spent a bonus day cowering relaxing in the hotel in the aftermath of the July 7th bombings.

Two years after that was my family's first turn: Robespierre and I accompanied the grandparents to San Francisco, since it's a truly fun and interesting place and I flat-out refused to leave the country.

Finally, two years later it was Cleo's turn, and we went to London, where my mantra was: "I won't get blown up ... I won't get blown up ... I won't get blown up ..."

Comments

[Brent Diggs]

Paris? London? Cruises? Sign me up.

I left nine behind a long time ago but I'll walk on my knees and mainline botox to get in on this action.

I'll have my people draw up the adoption papers.

[feefifoto]

I'll submit your application but there is a waiting list.