Dear Man Who Sat With Me And My Boys For Breakfast On The Train:
The motivation for this letter has almost nothing to do with your profuse ear and nose hair, although really -- could ya visit the barber once a month? Seriously, dude, I've seen my father get haircuts. I know barbers can get rid of all that volunteer hair in your ears and your nose and on your eyebrows and neck... and by the way, that combover suggestive of a Dairy Queen vanilla soft serve sundae?
Not working and not fooling anybody. Please do yourself your dining companions a favor: see a barber.
Well, okay, maybe not that one. Still, a haircut once a month couldn't hurt, and might make you a little more comfortable with yourself and a little less abusive to strangers.
Anyway.
Dear Mr. Person Whose Name I Don't Know And Would Try Really Hard To Forget If I Did Know It:
I know it can be awkward to be seated with complete strangers on a train. Heck, it was awkward for us too. Still, it's more comfortable and tolerable for all involved if conversation not be dominated by any one particular person at the table (not naming names here because I never even learned yours, but ...). Further, the rules of etiquette recommend that, even if you maintain the personal opinion that a private school education is somehow inferior to an education from a public school, you might want to consider keeping that opinion to yourself when holding a conversation with children who attend private schools. And their mother/aunt.
Finally, and please forgive me if I'm overreaching here, but it seems to me that it might be easier to maintain positive relationships if you don't attempt to stump a 6th grader and a 7th grader with obscure geography and history questions and then triumphantly declare that their education is "deficient" when they don't glibly call up the answers to your questions. Just a guess here.
Hey, thanks for listening, and in case you were unable to hear what I said because of the jungle inside your ears, remember: your local barber can work wonders for less than $20.
Have a nice day.
