I Am Mossy: Replacing Grass That Won't Grow, With Moss, Which Might

With sincerest apologies to Bossy, who is one of my blogging idols.  In fact, I might or might not have a shrine to Bossy in my home, replete with life size graven images of her and her Great Dane, Stella (I wanted to name our dog Stella, or Taxi, because, how funny would it be to chase a fleeing dog yelling either name? but my kids wouldn't buy it).  Y'all go read Bossy's blog and then come back to my paltry post.  Better bookmark me, because once you've met Bossy, you might not be interested in me any more, kind of like when Jan's boyfriend met Marcia and all of a sudden he was like: "Jan who?" and Jan was like: "Marcia Marcia Marcia!!"

Was I talking about something?

Ah.  Moss.

Since reading about moss in the New York Times more than a year ago, I've been contemplating letting moss take over the yard, since I'm abundantly lazy nothing else will grow there anyway:

"Moss, which grows fast and hugs the ground, prevents soil erosion. Its density repels weeds. Deer do not snack on it. It can be walked on. Even when it looks dead, a splash of water can restore it to emerald health within minutes. It doesn’t need fertilizer (lacking a root system, it takes nutrients from water and air). All it needs, in fact, are shade, moisture — though not large amounts of water — and what most gardeners would regard as poor-quality soil."

Hey!  I have all that stuff: shade (that's why I can't grow grass), moisture, Moss-Disdaining-Deer (thank goodness we have no moose around here), and poor quality soil.  And I have lots of moss growing in lush patches ringed by poison ivy and patrolled by mosquitoes.

Transplanting is ridiculously easy:

• Employing a motion similar to scraping frosting from a cake, gather moss chunks:

• Transport moss to a bare quadrant of the yard:

• Place moss on bare spots:

• Water:

Image here

• Wait