Facebook Is My Hero: Using Social Media To Keep In Touch With My Tween

Some aspects of growing up are actually beneficial to kids.  And maybe even their parents.

I recently relented to Robespierre's relentless hectoring for a Facebook page.  I exacted my pound of flesh before surrendering: he had to friend me and never delete me, and he had to read Fahrenheit 451 and To Kill a Mockingbird first.  Since I'd been hocking him to read both books I reasoned that I was getting a deal, but I also dreaded how much time and intellect would now be wasted online instead of being applied to anything more challenging than Calvin and Hobbes.

He's been on Facebook for two weeks (don't try to friend him -- he's only allowed to friend people he knows, and yes, I do monitor).  So far he has 110 friends, as compared to my paltry 34 (not that my friends are paltry; it's just that my friends list is a bit spare).  I can see when he's on, when he's active, when he's fooling around while he should be doing homework.  I can see his interests (FarmVille, a marginally adorable game with winsome sheep and ugly ducklings where he proudly raises pineapples, artichokes and other foods he'd never touch in real life); his friends; and the seemingly endless supply of quizzes and surveys he tries every day (How Fast Can You Type? What's Your Horoscope?  What's Your Indian Name?  Which South Park Character Are You?  Who's Your Enemy of the Day?)

I was right, of course: time is being spent on Facebook.  But to my surprise I don't consider the time wasted, at least not yet. 

Turns out Robey is also using Facebook to talk about... stuff.  Facebook lets him seek advice from his classmates, from camp friends, grownup friends, and family, and sometimes even from me.

I'm not going to divulge what's on my boy's mind.  Suffice it to say his anxiety has to do with adolescing, with issues like: "Why are all my friends developing acne and I don't have it?"  or "Why do my teeth have to be so straight and perfect?"  along with "Why am I so attractive to girls all of a sudden?" and "Why do I have to be such a ridiculously good dancer?"

Last week, after we'd spoken personally for nearly an hour about a personal issue causing him personal angst, I headed for my office computer and Robey retreated to his room, which is adjacent to my office, to hang out with his laptop.  Seeing that my Facebook was open, he pinged me:

"give me advice. what do you think i should do"

I looked around the room to see if he might be talking to someone else but I was the only one there.

"are you asking me?"  I inquired.

"ya" he answered (evidently in Facebookspeak, either you must abbreviate everything or you aren't quite sure how to spell "yeah").

So I answered.  And he replied.  And I responded. And he countered.  We pinged back and forth for thirty minutes and nearly a thousand words, give or take a few of these: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some of this: ??????????????????? and a bunch of these: xoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

At one point, as we were going strong and making a lot of progress in pinning down his problem and identifying possible solutions, he hollered from next door: "Why are we doing this on Facebook?  I can hear you typing."

I answered that it can be difficult to have a serious discussion if you're looking someone in the face; that sometimes it's easier to unload if you have some degree of separation.

Did we solve the problem that night?  Did we make unanticipated progress and take our relationship to a new level?  What do you think?

Funny -- this situation reminds me why I was the only mom of my generation who actually liked Barney.  Now, I didn't like that big, ugly, purple creepy pile of polyester on his own merits.  But whenever that nauseating I Love You, You Love Me song started (if it's running through your head now, I'm terribly sorry.  Here -- let me see if I can help.  Sugar... Oh, Honey Honey... You are my candy girl... and you got me wantin' you...  Is that better?) Robey would leap into my lap and give out copious kisses and hugs.  This is the same kind of thing.  I think I might like Facebook even more than I did before.  I think Facebook might just be my new best friend.

Do you appreciate Facebook the way I do?

Comments

[Uncle Skip]

Do I? Yeah, probably, but for entirely different reasons, other than it has to do with my relationship with my son, too.
I'm still working on that. Whether or not he is remains to be seen. The estrangement is not his fault.

[Mrsbear]

I'm not a huge fan of Facebook although I AM on there and so is my 14 year old. We don't regularly chat online, but she tends to be very open with me in person. I think it's awesome that you've found an easy way to connect with your son. Communication is communication and it leaves that window open for both of you. I think it's great. Facebook IS good for something. ;)

[Leanne]

I do Facebook as well. My kids aren't no it yet, but they will be, and I figure if I know what's going on I'll be in a better place to monitor it like you do. It's a part of life, and I'd rather teach them to use it safely with my knowledge then have them sneaking around on it...

[Helene]

I can totally see where you're coming from with this. It's a great way to keep in touch with your kids and see what they're up to. And you're right that sometimes it's easier to have a conversation on the computer than face to face.

My niece is on Facebook and neither my sister or her husband have a clue what FB even is. So I check in with her every now and then to see what she's up to. So far, so good but it is a great way to keep up with those teens!

[Jennifer]

First time visitor to your blog and I really enjoyed reading this post! Funny about IM'ing like that. My husband & I have been known to do that too....and sometimes we're in the same room! Great post! I'd love to come back and read more!

~ Jennifer
http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com