FeeFiFoto Blog

Don't Judge...

until your 12-year-old son bakes chocolate cupcakes from scratch, on his own, and cleans up the mess.

Besides, who cares how they look?  They're yummy.

Where Have I Been Hiding?

Where have I been? Well, do you see that counter down there? Look down -- it's on the right near the bottom. See the thing that says "106 blah blah blah Bar Mitzvah"? I've been focusing on that stuff. For the past week I've been creating a video containing several million photos of Robespierre; eventually it'll also contain video clips, music, credits.  And it's going just swimmingly because I am a professional and talented filmmaker.

Oh.  Wait.  No I'm not.

Back to work.

Enter my Fame Contest!!

Spring Fame Contest 2010: You'll Be As Famous As Sadie The Scottie Dog

A Contest Unlike Anything You've Ever Seen

It's time once again for the FeeFiFoto Fame Contest.

You've seen contests to win candy bars. You've seen contests to win mismatched socks. You've seen contests to win cookies and treats. Now for something completely different:

Enter this contest to win FAME.  And a gift certificate.

You'll be as famous as Sadie the Scottie, and who knows -- you might even appear on The Today Show.

The winner of this contest will have one favorite photograph incorporated into a landing page on FeeFiFoto. Just visit FeeFiFoto, cruise around as long as you like, then come back here and leave me a comment about which item you'd like to see with your photo on the home page of my website.  Plus, the winner of this contest will receive a $10 gift certificate for a personalized photo gift item from FeeFiFoto.

I'll draw one name at random on February 28^th. Once the winner has emailed the photo to me, I'll put it on a graphic on the FeeFiFoto home page.

You can feature family, pets, kids' artwork or artistic shots -- your choice. A black and white photo of your house on a porcelain plate would be lovely. Once your photo is up on the site, far-flung friends and family can tune in and shout to each other: "Honey! Come quickly!  Little John/ Paul/ George/ Ringo is in an advertisement! Well lock me in an ice cream store and throw away the key!"

 

Last year's winner was JC from Castleruins, who chose to have her photo displayed on a Wooden Cherry Colored Box with Tile Inset. The image is printed permanently on a ceramic tile, which is inset into the box's lid. Great as a wedding gift or Mother's Day present.

See your favorite faces featured on beautiful jewelry boxes from FeeFiFoto. Want something funkier?  Choose to have your photo displayed on a wooden puzzle.

Any. Where. You. Choose. Visit FeeFiFoto and tell me what you where you want to see your picture. It's all about YOU.

A few simple guidelines:

• Please furnish your email address so I can get in touch with you as soon as you win; this way, your photo can be up on the site within a couple of days
• The photo submitted to me by the winner must be G-rated
• Your entry must state which item from FeeFiFoto you'd like to display your photo
• The prize for this contest is three months of FAME -- other than the $10 gift certificate, no tangible prize will be awarded
• Blog about this contest (and give me a heads up) and I'll give you an extra entry
• Tweet about this contest and I'll give you another entry

Good luck everybody!

Read more about the FeeFiFoto Fame Contest.

Well, It's Not Exactly White House / Black Market

moar funny pictures

Is There Ever A Convenient Time For The Car To Break Down?

The car.  Is four years old.  It's been hit more than once ::coughsistercough::.  The windshield has two dings.  One headlight bulb was replaced a month ago and the other was replaced last week.  The seats and floor mats have endured the insults of snow, slush, salt, and Pepsi. 

The car is not a Porsche.

Someday, Porsche.  Someday you will be mine mine mine -- and no one under the age of 30 will be allowed inside.  Nor will pretzels, chips, granola, raisins, wet shoes, wet dogs, or wet beverages.  Someday, if it survives, the car will be passed on to a Boy Who Has Received His Driver's License.  That will be the day my license goes into the shredder, except for when I feel like taking my tomato-red Porsche out for a drive.

Until then, I'll take good care of this car.  Its gas tank will be filled.  It will receive the occasional wash.  The oil will be changed within 500 miles of the date or distance scribbled on the little Colorform in the windshield's upper left corner.

And I'll continue to schlep the jumper cables.

______________________________________________________________

Cupcake and I went to the supermarket Thursday after school and before choir practice, along with everyone in our metropolitan area since snow had been predicted within 500 miles of us sometime in the next decade and that's how we roll around here.  We picked up our Super Bowl supplies (go Saints!), Cupcake had a hot chocolate and a gelato (which canceled each other out and neither of which she offered to share with me), and we left the store with plenty of snackage and ample time to make it to her rehearsal.

At this point please imagine the screeching sound of a needle being drawn across a vinyl record.  Thank you.

The battery was as dead as a coffin-nail.

Triage!Triage!Triage!  Whom to call first?  Sister at work -- can't leave.  Brother-in-law?  Office too far away.  Father, playing chess at a friend's house -- not easily reachable.  Mother at home?  Probably available; almost certainly grumpy. Car dealership?  Roadside assistance?  Gas station on the next corner?  No guarantee that any of them can arrive in less than an hour. 

In accordance with the ancient law that Anything for a Grandchild, I handed the phone to Cupcake so she could call Mawmaw.    As predicted, Mawmaw skittered to the rescue so her little darling wouldn't miss choir practice, setting in motion the following tribute to Rube Goldberg:

• Car slams into the garage door that's opening way too slowly for a grandmother in a hurry...
• Causing the door to freeze in the limbo between closed and open...
• Necessitating a 50-point turn to get the car out of the adjoining garage door...
• Requiring a new garage door which has to be ordered and will be installed within a month.

Cupcake Punctuality Issue: under control.  Sort of.

Car Not Starting Issue: not so under control.

Call roadside assistance, step out of the car (cold!) to locate the 166,143.72 digit Vehicle Identification Number, count backwards to identify the last four digits for Mr. Automatic Voice Man; when that's not acceptable, step back out of the car (cold!) to identify the final eight digits.  Finally, when a Real Person picks up the line, step out of the car one more time (COLD!) to repeat the last four digits, then the last eight digits, then the entire VIN, at which point Mr. Real Boy announces that this car isn't on the list for Roadside Assistance but they'll send a truck anyway for the low, low one-time fee of $61.

I tell him to forget it.

So. Here I am in a parking lot full of cars, adjacent to a grocery store full of people stocking up on milk, eggs, bread, vegetable peelers, batteries, donuts, snow shovels, mangoes, socks, light ammunition, fake firewood, capers, matches, roadside flares and anything else one might need to survive a blizzard predicted to dump one whole inch of snow throughout the metropolitan area. If I can match up one of the cars to one of the people, preferably a young guy who likes to show off for women, I'll be in bidniz.

Do I stalk the supermarket in pursuit of a potential victim Good Deed Doer...

and follow him to his car, or choose my subject from among the people manning the various stores lining the parking lot?  Manicure place?  No.  Yoga studio?  Definitely not.  UPS store or athletic shoe store?  Either one a possibility.

Long Story Less Long

In the shoe store I sense a good omen: two male employees, no customers, because anyone who might normally be shopping for athletic shoes is at the grocery store stocking up on sardines and Jello in anticipation of the approaching one inch blizzard.

• The first guy declines to help me on the grounds that his car dealership told him not to use his car to jump anyone else's.
• I'm like Huh?
• The second guy, the younger one, offers to try.
• The car starts, the day is saved, and Cupcake calls Mawmaw to tell her we don't need her any more, just as she arrives in the supermarket parking lot.
• A new battery is installed in the car before the end of the day.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to carry the jumper cables.

Did I Ever Tell You I Went To College In New Orleans?

 

Here's where I found this photo.  

Wow - Is It International Polar Bear Day Already? Peculiar February Holidays

Making personalized calendars even more personal with the addition of peculiar dates; here are some for February.

FeeFiFoto has been producing personalized photo calendars as a core part of our business since we were established about five years ago.  For a long time our designs and features were relatively unchanged, but last year we added a bunch of new templates, a thousand or so pieces of clip art, and the capacity to arrange photos in collages instead of being limited to a single photo per page.  We've always had a feature that lets you enter your own family birthdays, anniversaries or special events. 

Last year the kids and I designed calendars for our family, and in addition to the usual birthdays and anniversaries, we chose one day each month for a fictitious holiday just to see if anyone was paying attention.  January 16 was Talk Like Pirates Day, February 24 was Walk Backwards Day, March 1 was Talk Really Fast Day, August 17 was Snowball Fight Day, and November 2 was Kiss Your Mom Day.  We also acknowledged some legitimate holidays and anniversaries, like the Ides of March (March 15), Beethoven's Birthday (December 16) and the anniversary of Paul Revere's Ride (April 18).  It was fun and silly.

I can't imagine that the majority of customers who buy personalized photo calendars from FeeFiFoto have my family's twisted warped exotic highly developed sense of humor, but on the outside chance that at least someone out there appreciates a good absurdist* joke, I've compiled a list of some really weird, but apparently true, national and international holidays.

February

1

Serpent Day
Clark Gable, b. 1901

2

Purification Day
James Joyce, b. 1882

3

Carrot Cake Day
Cordova Ice Worm Day

I don't even want to know about this one

4

Rosa Parks, b. 1913
Thank A Mailman Day
Create A Vacuum Day

I've heard Dysons are really good

5

National Weatherman's Day
Disaster Day

Could these two be related?

6

Lame Duck Day
Aaron Burr, b. 1756
Babe Ruth, b. 1895

7

Charles Dickens Day 

8

Kite Flying Day

Shouldn't this be in April?

9

Toothache Day

Think I'll pass on this one

10

Umbrella Day 

11

White Tee-Shirt Day
Don't Cry Over Spilled Milk Day
Thomas Edison, b. 1847

12

National Plum Pudding Day 

13

Get A Different Name Day
Dream Your Sweet Day
Read To Your Child Day 

14

Ferris Wheel Day
National Heart to Heart Day 

15

National Gum Drop Day

But please, don't drop your gum on the sidewalk

16

Do A Grouch A Favor Day

But only if he asks nicely

17

Champion Crab Races Day

18

Pluto Day 
National Battery Day

Umm -- is there a National Assault Day?

19

National Chocolate Mint Day

You got my attention with this one

20

Hoodie Hoo Day

Woo hoo -- it's Hoodie Hoo Day!

21

Card Reading Day 

22

Be Humble Day

The rest of the year, be as conceited as you like

23

W.E.B. Dubois, b. 1868
Banana Bread Day
International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

Miss Puppy likes this one

24

National Tortilla Chip Day 

25

Pistol Patent Day (Samuel Colt)

26

 

William Frawley, b. 1887
Buffalo Bill Cody, b. 1846
National Pistachio Day

I like pistachios better than pistols

27
Marian Anderson, b. 1897
International Polar Bear Day

I like polar bears

28

Public Sleeping Day

I like sleeping

29

National Surf and Turf Day

Do you commemorate Beethoven's Birthday?  And what is an "Ides" anyway?

Visit FeeFiFoto to design really personalized calendars with your own photos and dates.

*SpellCheck tried for Kurdistan

Courage – Do one brave thing today, then run like hell!

 

Courage – Do one brave thing today, then run like hell!

I'm sending this to Robespierre to remind him that, the next time he feels compelled to trash talk a wrestling practice partner, he'd better make darn sure he's stronger and/or faster than his opponent, so he doesn't come home again with a swollen jaw and an ice pack.

The Five Stages Of Valentine Candy

When did giving out Valentines in school become such a big deal?

1. Denial: No, you don't need to attach candy to all your classmates' Valentines.  The card is more than enough. 
   
2. Anger: When I was a kid we just gave out those dinky foldover Valentines and that was enough for us.  We didn't need to make a whole federal case out of Valentine's Day.


3. Bargaining: What if I just get you a big lollipop and we'll forget about candy for everyone else? (see original image here)


4. Depression: We're going to be in a Depression if we don't stop spending all our money indulging the entire fourth grade


5. Acceptance: Fine.  Go ahead and buy whatever candy you want.  I'm tired of arguing. (image here)

How long does it take you to give in?

I've Never

• Intentionally watched Oprah or reality programming of any kind
• Read Catcher in the Rye or anything else by JD Salinger
• Broken a bone (chips, yes, but no clean breaks.  Did you know you can chip the tip of your finger if you slam it in a door?  And that, even years later, your fingertip will twinge when you type?  ow)
• Smoked anything, snorted anything, popped anything
• Seen The Godfather, Titanic, A Christmas Story, Lord of the Rings anything, or The Sixth Sense (although I know someone will shoot his eye out, someone else sees dead people, and another guy should leave the gun but take the cannoli)
• Cooked or served ham
• Read USA Today, or anything by Stephen King (not that Stephen King writes for USA Today.  Does he?  I wouldn't know, since I've never read either, see above)
• Held a loaded handgun (although I held the very old, unloaded pistol that my aunt found in my grandfather's desk after my grandfather died.  It was frozen.  We figured that he intended to throw it at burglars)
• Worn Birkenstocks* or Crocs (but Uggs keep my feet toasty oasty oasty these days)
• Seen Stonehenge in the flesh stone
• Eaten an Egg McMuffin*
• Prepared my own taxes, or anybody else's (for that matter, I'd feel great pity for anyone who had to depend on me to prepare their taxes)

What have you never?

*Spell Check wanted laughingstocks or bluestockings, crocus, scruggs, scruffiness