FeeFiFoto Blog

Can I At Least Change My Radio Station?

Heavens to Betsy!  Have you heard that people die in car accidents?  And did you know that some of these accidents are senseless, and even stupid?  That some are caused by people talking on their cell phones or sending text messages while driving?  Were you aware that life is more precious than taking a call?

Because I certainly had no clue about any of this until Oprah wrote about it in the New York Times.

On one hand, I'm a bit insulted that the New York Times thought this issue merited an Op-Ed merely because it was attached to the name of the most powerful woman person in television creation.  After all, Google "text while driving" and, as of today, you'll get 9,980,000 listings; it's not as if this subject hasn't been prominent in the news lately.  I'm offended that the Times believes I'd be more inclined to heed the message merely because it originates with Oprah, whose magazine I've read but whose show I've never watched. 

Really.  Never.  I've just never been interested.

On the other hand, I'm impressed at the Times's strategy of turning this issue over to Oprah; she has such a hypnotic power over such a large part of the population (except for me) that, inevitably, many of her disciples will follow her call, made on her cell phone while pulled over to the side of the road, not to use cell phones while driving.

If they want to reach me, they're going to have to call in Robert Downey Jr.

__________________________________________________________________

In all seriousness, however, as much as I dismiss Oprah, I value her message.  I merely give it no extra weight just because of its source.

Dear State Senator

Dear State Senator:

Next time you're standing on the Senate floor debating a fellow state senator and hoping to make yourself appear big and important and well-informed and stuff, and you describe yourself as a Jesse James aficionado and announce that Jesse James, in an interview, once said he robbed banks because that's where the money is, please be aware of the following:

1. Jesse James (the outlaw Jesse James, not Sandra Bullock's husband), one of the most notorious outlaws in United States history, was never interviewed by anyone for any reason.  With a $5000 bounty on his head offered by the Missouri governor, no one would have bothered to "interview" him when they only had to bring him in dead or alive to collect a substantial reward.
2. The outlaw who supposedly claimed to rob banks because "that's where the money is" was Willie Sutton, 1901-1980.
3. Anyone claiming a childhood fascination with Jesse James (the outlaw Jesse James, not Sandra Bullock's husband) ought to know the difference.
4. When you bungle a quotation supposedly made by someone on whom you claim a degree of expertise, you make yourself look like a blockhead.

Thank you for your support.

Blue Is The Color Of Heaven

I went to college and law school in New Orleans, where many houses look as if they were decorated by a crazy person with a glue gun and a whole lot of jelly beans.

Like this:

Image found here

and this:

and this:

This image and prior image from here.

One might think the city was planned by Emilio Pucci.  Or, if you prefer, Hunter Thompson.

I live in the Midwest, where all the houses are brown.  Or tan.  Or white.

Although we did have one house in our neighborhood that was all pink: Pink mailbox.  Pink shutters.  Pink door.  Pink gas meter.  They were peculiar.  Or they sold Mary Kay. Same thing.

We don't see candy colored houses where I live.  We're somber.  We're drab -- or dreary -- or dare I say -- colorless.

Israel. 

Israel is not colorless by any means. 

In all of Jerusalem, every building, by law, must be faced with a golden limestone referred to as "Jerusalem Stone."  Every structure, even generic apartment blocks, blushes with golden and pinkish warmth:

The holy city of Safed (alternatively spelled Zefat, or Tsvat, or Zfat, or Newark) is the seat of Kabbalah, the school of thought concerned with Jewish mysticism.  According to Kabbalah tradition, the color blue symbolizes Heaven; many buildings in Safed / Zefat / Tsvat / Tsfat / Paramus are ornamented inside and out with brilliant blue:

 

In Israel flowers can be yellow:

or white:

or purple:

Fruits can be purple too:

Spices can make you think of fireworks before you even taste them:

 

And clothing can make you want to facepalm until you pass out and awake with amnesia:

I kind of miss the audacity of brilliant colors.

My Parents Could Use A Dictionary To Look Up The Definition of "Last"

This time my parents outdid themselves.  Now that the grandchildren want to plan their own crummy vacations with their own tacky friends to their own gaggy locations, my parents declared that our the last family trip would be the Last Family Trip. 

So, as is completely logical, they just took us on the second annual Last Family Trip, this time to Israel (the mother ship).

Our family comes out of retirement more than Brett Farrrrrrvvve. 

Next year we're going to celebrate the anniversary of the Last Family Trip by taking another Last Family Trip.  My mother wants to take us all to London or Paris.

I love my mother's new hobby.

A Sheepish Open Letter To Bossy

Bossy's on the move again.  She's leaving today for the commencement of her (No) Book Tour and, since I missed her visit last time because it fell on the first night of Passover and besides I'm way too shy and awkward to hang out with perfectly fine strangers in a perfectly fine restaurant for one perfectly fine night and have a perfectly fine time --

I had a point here... what was it...?

Oh yes.

This time around I offered Bossy a place to stay for the night when she visits my city.  And she accepted!  I think.

But here's the thing:

Bossy, I am the boringest, yawningest person from the dullest, tediousest family on the planet (except we yell sometimes, but who doesn't), so if you have gotten a better, more interesting, more appealing, funner offer from someone in my area, please don't think my feelings will be hurt if you accept it.  I'd absolutely love to meet you so count me in for dinner although I'll probably freak out from self consciousness and stay in my car and turn around and spend the evening at Target instead of hanging out with you and all the other cool bloggers in town.

Bossy, if you'd like to stay with us, we'd be delighted to have you as our guest.  You can have your own room and your own bathroom and your own shower.  My son will barbecue every meal for you, even your breakfast oatmeal, should you desire.  Nevertheless, I can't promise we won't bore you to tears.

Consider yourself warned.

If April Showers Bring May Flowers, What Do Mayflowers Bring?

Making personalized calendars even more personal with the addition of peculiar dates; here are some for April.

FeeFiFoto has been producing personalized photo calendars as a core part of our business since we were established.  For a long time our designs and features were relatively unchanged, but we added a bunch of new templates, a thousand or so pieces of clip art, and the capacity to arrange photos in collages instead of being limited to a single photo per page.  We've always had a feature that lets you enter your own family birthdays, anniversaries or special events.

Think about how smart and well-informed you'll be appear when you casually flaunt your knowledge of such esoteric dates as National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day, or Jayne Mansfield's birthday.

Here's a list of essential April dates.

1
One Cent Day
International Fun At Work Day
Sergei Rachmaninoff, b. 1873

Children's Book Day
National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day
Buddy Ebsen, b. 1908

Perfect: pack up some PBJs and read some books to children

3
Tweed Day
Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day
Washington Irving, b. 1783

4
Tell-A-Lie Day

5
Deep Dish Pizza Day
Go For Broke Day
Booker T. Washington, b. 1856

6
Sorry Charlie Day
Butch Cassidy, b. 1866

7
No Housework Day
Billie Holliday, b. 1915

8
Draw a Picture of a Bird Day
All Is Ours Day
Sonja Henie, b. 1912
Betty Ford, b. 1918

9
Cherish an Antique Day
Winston Churchill Day
Name Yourself Day 

10 
National Siblings Day
Golfers Day 

11 
International "Louie Louie" Day
Eight-Track Tape Day 

12 
Look Up At The Sky Day

Tiny Tim, b. 1912

13 
Blame Somebody Else Day
Thomas Jefferson, b. 1743

Go ahead -- blame Jefferson if you must.

14 
Be Kind to Lawyers Day
Moment of Laughter Day
National Pecan Day 

15 
Rubber Eraser Day
Leonardo Da Vinci, b. 1452
Henry James, b. 1843

16 
National Stress Awareness Day
Wear your Pajamas to Work Day
National Eggs Benedict Day
Wilbur Wright, b. 1867
Charlie Chaplin, b. 1889

Yeah, it might be a little stressful to be caught at work in your PJs.

17 
Blah Blah Blah Day
National Cheeseball Day 

18 
International Jugglers Day
Paul Revere's Ride, 1775

19 
Garlic Day
Jayne Mansfield, b. 1933

20 
Look Alike Day 

21 
Kindergarten Day 
Charlotte Bronte, b. 1816

22 
National Jelly Bean Day
Earth Day
Vladimir Lenin, b. 1870

Lenin liked jelly beans, didn't he? No, wait -- that was Ronald Reagan.

23 
Talk Like Shakespeare Day
Read Me Day
World Laboratory Animal Day
William Shakespeare, b. 1564

24 
National Pigs In A Blanket Day 

25 
National Zucchini Bread Day
Ella Fitzgerald, b. 1918

26 
Richter Scale Day
National Pretzel Day 

27 
Tell A Story Day 

28 
Great Poetry Reading Day
Kiss-Your-Mate Day 

29 
National Shrimp Scampi Day
Duke Ellington, b. 1899

30 
National Honesty Day

See also: Strange Holidays

Be honest: did you know that April 30th was National Honesty Day before I told you?

Visit FeeFiFoto to create personalized photo calendars with all kinds of unusual holidays.