Remember this video from this cute guy, Dave Carroll?
Well, United isn't the only carrier that breaks guitars. Fedex breaks them too! Just look:
A little background:
My kids (and everyone else's) come home from Bar and Bat Mitzvah parties schlepping armloads of deplorable plastic rubbish that inevitably winds up in landfills, causing me to cringe with guilt when I trash it while the kids are at school so they won't notice it's gone, which they never do, which proves how meaningless all this debris is to them in the first place.
I swore not to commit the same environmental sin in connection with Robespierre's Bar Mitzvah party, much to Robey's annoyance. Despite his protests I held firm and advocated for more useful giveaways than Kanye West glasses or pimp hats or glow sticks.
Such as lollipops.
Handmade lollipops, to be precise (from Vintage Confections, via Etsy) in the shape of sports balls, Robey's initials, and electric guitars.
Vintage Confections offers barley sugar lollipops and candies in 49 flavors,
(really -- 49? You couldn't spring for one more to make it an even 50?)
including (ready?): Amaretto Apple Blackberry Blueberry Blue Raspberry Bubble Gum Caramel Champagne Cheesecake Cherry Cinnamon Cinnamon Roll (with or without "icing") Clove Coconut Coffee Cotton Candy Cranberry Creme de Menthe Eggnog Fleur de Sel Grape Grapefruit Honey Horchata Irish Creme Juicy Pear Keoke Coffee Key Lime Lemon Lemonade Mango Maple Marshmallow Orange Peppermint Pineapple Pomegranate Prickly Pear Raspberry Root Beer Salt Water Taffy Strawberry/Kiwi Strawberry Tangerine Teaberry Tropical Punch Tutti Frutti Vanilla AND Watermelon.
The manufacturer was delightful to deal with -- prompt and helpful, and the candies look almost too pretty to eat.
Don't they look yummy?
And aren't they pretty?
Two hundred lollipops arrived yesterday in a cardboard box snugly packed with shredded paper.
But four of the guitars arrived BROKEN! Their necks were cleanly shattered and we had no choice but to end their misery by eating them.
They were delicious.
Alas Fedex -- I blame you. How could you fail me so severely?
If I had any musical talent to speak of, I'd write a song.
