I don't dream of showing up for school wearing only underwear. I've never had that dream. My not-ready-for-whatever-school-was-about-to-throw-at-me dream always involved showing up for the final exam and realizing:
- I hadn't attended class all semester, or bought the book or learned the material, and
- All along I'd intended to withdraw from the class but had never managed to do it, so now I was committed to taking an exam for which I was unprepared because, see #1
This dream harassed me many, many times, until finally I got wise to its evil intentions and began to tell myself, in my sleep and while still dreaming, that I was just having a dream. So I was all: "nyah nyah nyah, so there Dreamo!"
But the dream outsmarted me and began to respond: "All those other times you were dreaming, but this time it's real heh heh heh..." But I was like: "You can't pull this on me. I know I'm not in school any more."
But then the dream metamorphosed into another version of not being prepared, and suddenly I'm on a cruise ship or in a large hotel and I'm lost and can't find my room and the trip is ending and I haven't packed to go home and I can't locate any of my travel companions, who are usually my sister, parents, kids, miscellaneous friends I've happened to have lunch with the previous week, and sometimes even Bossy. I'll fret in concentric circles, hoping to recognize my room and find my key in time to pack and get out of the hotel or off the ship before everyone leaves me stranded in Uzbekistan or Tasmania. If the dream lasts long enough I'll sometimes find myself marooned on some superhighway overpass, driving too fast in an invisible or nonexistent car, passing over the places I want to be but having no idea how to get there other than throwing myself over the side.
Last night's dream offered a new twist: I couldn't find anyone and when I tried calling their cell phones to point out that I'd been left behind, I discovered not only that they'd left without me, they'd also left all their cell phones in my purse. To make matters even weirder, one of the forgotten cell phones belonged to Kanye West and had a voice message recorded by my mother.
Are your dreams as annoying as mine? Prove it.
