FeeFiFoto Blog

Anyone Care To Guess Where We Spent Spring Break?

Let's see -- there were pretty houses...

and carbohydrate-loaded animals...

and a scary-looking thing that mixed chocolate...

and luxury hotels...

and kids dwelling in gigantic trees.

Have you figured it out yet?  Here are some more clues:

These things climbed halfway to the stars.

We crossed this one breezy afternoon.

And we left these there.

Since We Were Discussing Flying...

First written a couple years ago but still just as relevant.

Catching up on some pressing correspondence

Dear Family-Sitting-Behind-Me on today's four-hour flight:

I've flown with kids.  I've flown with toddlers.  Sometimes even my own kids and toddlers.  I know how hard it is.  Just a friendly suggestion: when you seat your toddlers next to each other on an airplane and they begin fighting, screaming and bashing each other, it might be a good idea to separate them.  Here's how it might work:

Grownup ---------- Toddler A ---------- Toddler B

becomes:

Toddler A ---------- Grownup ---------- Toddler B

or, alternatively:

Toddler B ---------- Grownup ---------- Toddler A

Either way this might help prevent the scenario in which your toddlers, as they engage in a fight to the finish, also engage in kicking the seats of the people in front of them (otherwise known as "me"); slamming their tray tables into the seats of the people in front of them (also otherwise known as "me"); and shrieking into the ears of the people in front of them (again otherwise known as "me").

Thank you for your support.

Yours truly, ME

Dear Family-Sitting-Across-The-Aisle-From-Me on today's four-hour flight:

My congratulations to you on having the foresight to pack a laptop computer and a couple movies on DVD to entertain yourselves as you drink your way back home.  Here's a little suggestion that just occurred to me right now:

Wouldn't it be fun if next time you either:

a.  Brought along a set of three-way earphones, or

b.  Took advantage of your disc's nifty closed-captioning feature

so that the people sitting across from you (once again, "me") wouldn't be privy to the helicopter noise and machine gun sound effects of whatever war movie makes your imbibing more enjoyable.

Just a thought.

Fondly, ME

I Might Be Out Of Town. Or I Might Be Dreaming Of Dairy Queen. Or Johnny Depp. Who Knows?

Posted this just about two years ago. Occasionally I get nostalgic. And by the way -- how is it that someone as fabulously intoxicating as Johnny Depp has a goofy name like "Johnny"?

Dear Man Who Sat With Me And My Boys For Breakfast On The Train:

The motivation for this letter has almost nothing to do with your profuse ear and nose hair, although really -- could ya visit the barber once a month?  Seriously, dude, I've seen my father get haircuts.  I know barbers can get rid of all that volunteer hair in your ears and your nose and on your eyebrows and neck... and by the way, that combover suggestive of a Dairy Queen vanilla soft serve sundae? 

Not working and not fooling anybody.  Please do yourself your dining companions a favor: see a barber.

Well, okay, maybe not that one. Still, a haircut once a month couldn't hurt, and might make you a little more comfortable with yourself and a little less abusive to strangers.

Anyway.

Dear Mr. Person Whose Name I Don't Know And Would Try Really Hard To Forget If I Did Know It:

I know it can be awkward to be seated with complete strangers on a train.  Heck, it was awkward for us too.  Still, it's more comfortable and tolerable for all involved if conversation not be dominated by any one particular person at the table (not naming names here because I never even learned yours, but ...).  Further, the rules of etiquette recommend that, even if you maintain the personal opinion that a private school education is somehow inferior to an education from a public school, you might want to consider keeping that opinion to yourself when holding a conversation with children who attend private schools.  And their mother/aunt.

Finally, and please forgive me if I'm overreaching here, but it seems to me that it might be easier to maintain positive relationships if you don't attempt to stump a 6th grader and a 7th grader with obscure geography and history questions and then triumphantly declare that their education is "deficient" when they don't glibly call up the answers to your questions.  Just a guess here.

Hey, thanks for listening, and in case you were unable to hear what I said because of the jungle inside your ears, remember: your local barber can work wonders for less than $20.

Have a nice day.

Drab Color Selections For Spring 2011 Fashions

 Adobe,  Alloy,  Ash, Bone,  Dune,   Cappuccino, Caramel, Cement, Chalk, Champagne,  Cloudburst, Cotton Seed, Gesso, Harvest Oat, Hemp, Khaki, Mushroom, Nude, Nutmeg, Oatmeal, Pumice, Sand, Sesame, String, Stone, Taupe.

1. Thanks, Nordstrom* catalog, for a truly depressing Spring 2011 color palette.
2. "String?"  Seriously?  There's a color called "String?"  And "Gesso?"  I don't even know what that is.
3. I don't care what you call it -- it's all still beige and I'm not having it!

*Spellcheck offered Sandstorm, Windstorm, Snowstorm and Barnstorm, but oddly, no Brainstorm

 

Lions and Hydras and Boars, Oh My!

Cupcake's grade is just wrapping up their unit on Ancient Greece; last week they presented their play, based on the twelve labors of Heracles (Hercules).  Heracles was forced to perform twelve tasks to atone for having killed his wife and children in an insane rage.

Here's a recap (thanks to the Encyclopedia Mythica); italicized and/or pointless insightful comments are mine:

Heracles was the son of the god Zeus and Alcmene. His gift was fabulous strength; Heracles' main antagonist was Hera. She eventually drove him mad, during which time he killed his own children and his brother's. He was so grieved upon recovery that he exiled himself and consulted the oracle of Apollo. The oracle told him to perform twelve labors:

1. Kill the lion of Nemea. Its thick skin was impervious to weapons; after seeing his arrows just bounce off the animal's hide, Heracles strangled it.
2. Kill the nine-headed Hydra. Two new heads would grow on the Hydra from each fresh wound, and one was immortal. Heracles burned the eight and put the immortal one under a rock.  The Hydra in the fifth grade play looked suspiciously like a bunch of sock-adorned hands popping in and out of holes in a pink tablecloth.
3. Capture the Ceryneian Hind (a female red deer that belonged to the goddess Artemis).  Heracles chased it for many months, then captured it alive.
4. Kill the wild boar of Erymanthus.  The boar in the play was a stuffed pig with white tusks pinned inside its grinning mouth.  Rather than instilling fear in the audience, this hapless adorable swine inspired mainly snickers.
   
5. Clean the Augean Stables, which hadn't been mucked out in thirty years.  The muck was portrayed by several large brown (odorless, thank goodness -- or maybe thank Zeus) pillows.  Heracles diverted a nearby river to wash the muck away, with the aid of several actors dressed as cows.
6. Kill the carnivorous birds of Stymphalis.  What a surprise: fifth graders wearing feather boas, even pink ones, look exactly like man-eating birds.
7. Capture the wild bull of Crete.
8. Capture the man-eating mares of Diomedes, played by half a dozen of these:  
9. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta, the queen of the Amazons.  Cupcake played Hippolyta and the girdle was a golden, woven leather belt that the actors found gaudily wonderful but which I actually used to wear back in the days when I had Duran Duran hair.  Cupcake had a rollicking death scene:     
   
10. Capture the oxen of Geryon.  Lots of livestock tending going on here.
11. Take the golden apples from the garden of the Hesperides. Heracles tricked Atlas into getting he apples by offering to hold the Earth for Atlas. When Atlas returned with the apples, Heracles asked him to take the Earth (a beach ball masquerading as a globe) for a moment so he could go get a pillow for his aching shoulders. Atlas did so (in one performance actually dropping the beach ball globe, but it wasn't the end of the world -- or was it?) and Heracles left with his apples.  Cupcake was the head of Atlas, supported by an unseen minion on each side:   

     Where have I seen this before?  Oh yes:   

12.  Bring Cerberus, the three-headed dog of Hades, to the surface world.  Cupcake also played Cerberus but with only one head instead of the traditional three because, as she noted on her blog, the other two were off duty.  I think she was supposed to evoke this image:     The best aspect of this role?  She got to eat a cookie in every show.

Feel free to compliment Cupcake and her class as much as you want.  If not, no problem; I'll still revisit this post every once in a while just to put a smile on my face.

Pi

Here.  I could see giving this clock to my father and then having to listen to him interpret and explain all its interpretations whether I needed to know or not.  Yeah, maybe I'll skip that part; it sounds like math to me.

here.   This is glass.  It portrays Pi to 1498 decimal places and it comes in all kinds of pretty colours (notice the British spelling on account of it comes from Britain).  The designer is donating 5 pounds (about eight dollars) from every pi bowl sold for the rest of March and all of April to the British Red Cross to help with relief efforts in Japan.

Here.  I don't get it.  Please don't try to explain.

Here.  This one I get.

Here.  ::giggle::  It's Pumpkin  Pi.  Get it?  Get it??!!

Okay, guess what day it is.

PS: This is neat too:

False Alarm, But Complimentary Nevertheless

We live in a rather unusual house.  It's set backwards on the lot into the side of a hill, so what you might see from the street if you could actually see through the trees would be the official back of the house.  To get to the front door you have to come to the top of the driveway and walk around to what would normally be classified as the back of the house.  Few visitors actually make it to our "front" door since they have so many doorish* choices on the way; not long after I moved in the gas company shut off my service for a weekend because nobody answered when they knocked on the door. 

To the garage. 

Because that was the first door they encountered. 

So I had to put up several signs like this:

Our house is odd.  But...

Vaulted ceilings.  Rough-finished cedar paneling, pickled to a frosty pinkish color.  A wall of shelves in the downstairs office for displaying my pottery.  Two fireplaces.  Natural lighting to spare thanks to 360^o fenestration (it means windows.  We're always learning here, aren't we?).  Friendly neighbors.  A steep driveway, ideal for sledding.

The house suits me.  We're both peculiar creative.

I added this:

See the pretend-wheel feet?  They're real wheels but they don't work like wheels because the cabinet is connected to the wall.

And this:

We renovated a guest bedroom downstairs for Robey.  The dropped ceiling is accessible above the denim streamers, making the room seem unlike part of a basement.  Like the shelf on the left?  It's the ladder from his original bunk beds.

And this:

I waited to redo a room for Cupcake until she had safely outgrown pink.

And this:

What used to be a baby's room is now a library.

And this:

Originally a dusty screened porch off the kitchen.  Later, a playroom off the kitchen, accessible via dutch door to prevent toddler escapage*.  Now a hearth room, still off the kitchen.

The house had been on the market for two years before I bought it; I couldn't imagine I'd ever be able to trick someone into taking it off my hands sell it.  I knew most normal people wouldn't consider purchasing a house so odd that you can't accurately describe what direction it faces. 

And then a real estate agent called to ask if I'd be interested in selling to a client who liked unusual homes and was interested in ours.

How can you pass up a chance like that?  I told her to offer me more than a million dollars and I'd consider moving.

Almost immediately I began to regret having answered the phone.

I spent a week polishing things and putting things away and dusting things and vacuuming things and sweeping things and raking things and wiping things.  I even convinced Cupcake to clean her room (Robey's room is nearly always spotless).  The house looked great: neat, tidy, uncluttered, open and welcoming.  The better it looked the sorrier I was at the thought of having to give it up in the middle of what I consider to be an extremely long-term project: the incremental transformation of Odd House into Our House.  I admired our pretend wheels, our denim strips, our reading nooks, the dormant dogwood twig Cupcake planted in the yard last year that I fed and watered every day while she was away at camp; and I secretly swore that, even if I were to sell the house, the contract would require the buyers to promise they'd never do anything to it.  Ever.

I don't think I'd recognized how much I like our house until I thought we might have to take the money and run.

And?

They didn't offer us a million dollars.  They didn't offer us fifty cents.  They didn't offer us anything.  They bought another house without even touring ours.

Whew.

*Okay Spellcheck, I know they're not real words, but they should be.

Serious Parenting Questions

1. Q:  How many times a week should I visit my local supermarket?  A:  Depends on how many teenagers you're trying to feed.
2. How many Cool Mom points do I win for getting back in the car three minutes after returning home from conveying everyone to school so as to deliver a potato and two candles to a student whose project partner forgot to bring them from home and lives too far away for his mom to make a quick dropoff?

Cautionary Story: It Might Have Seemed Funny At The Time

From yesterday's New York Times:

[Evan] Emory, 21... became a household name (in Muskegon, MI) last month when he edited a video to make it appear that elementary school children in a local classroom were listening to him sing a song with graphic sexual lyrics. He then showed the video in a nightclub and posted it on YouTube.

[T]he Muskegon County prosecutor... charged Mr. Emory with manufacturing and distributing child pornography, a crime that carries a penalty of up to 20 years in prison and 25 years on the sex offender registry...

Mr. Emory, who had gotten permission to sing songs like “Lunchlady Land” for the first graders, waited until the students left for the day and then recorded new, sexually explicit lyrics, miming gestures to accompany them. He then edited the video to make it seem as if the children were listening to the sexual lyrics and making faces in response...

He has admitted that he deceived the teachers... about his intentions. Mr. Emory included a disclaimer with the video, saying that no children had actually been exposed to the sexual lyrics. He said that his friends... all thought the video was hilarious...  But the hilarity vanished when sheriff’s deputies showed up at Mr. Emory’s house and seized his computer and his iPhone.

He realized “they were looking for things that a pedophile would have,” Mr. Emory said recently during an interview in his lawyer’s office, and it horrified him. He cried several times during the interview. During the night he spent in jail, he said, “I just thought about how much I regretted this and how funny it wasn’t anymore.”

Here's a 21-year-old guy who might have just turned his future upside down, not to mention the lives of his family; his mother barely leaves the house for fear of running into people she knows.  All for something he thought would give him a lock on awesome and hilarious (he'd originally considered filming the elderly but decided to go with kids).  Will the kids shown in the video be damaged for life?  I'm guessing they won't unless their parents insist on drawing more attention to their inadvertent role in this cretinism by appearing on The Today Show to denounce it.

I worry that my kids might someday pull a trick that's just this foolish and devastating.  We discourage practical jokes in our home; in my experience no good has ever come from a practical joke.  I told Robespierre this story and got no reaction; I think I sensed it soaking in somewhere, though.

I hope so.

Wordless Wednesday: Is This A Trick Question?

Today We Celebrate Vivaldi, Rockne and Robin

Today is Holy Experiment Day, as well as the birthday of Knute Rockne and Antonio Vivaldi.

Here's a picture of Knute Rockne, who played football at Notre Dame!

And here's a quote!

"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it."

Ouch!

And here's a picture of Antonio Vivaldi, who played the violin in Italy!

And here's a quote!

...

Hold on -- there aren't really any engaging Vivaldi quotes, so here's some music!

And finally, here's a picture of Robin, who had a Holy _______ statement for Batman in any situation so he probably said "Holy Experiment Batman!" at one point!

And here's a video of an entire TV season's worth of Robin Holy Whatever quotes!

Whew!

 

Today Is National Anthem Day

Now, we all know the name of our national anthem, The Star Spangled Banner Which Is Impossible To Sing Unless You're Celine Dion And She's Canadian Anyway. So here's a selection of anthems from other countries:

• Acadia - Star of the Sea, We Hail Thee.  Ummm... Acadia?  Anyone?
• African Union - African Union Anthem.  Catchy name
• Alaskan Republic - The Star-Spangled Banner.  Is this Sarah Palin's doing?  Because I thought Alaska was part of, you know -- us.
• Andorra - The Great Charlemagne.  Charlemagne.  At least they're loyal.  Charlemagne died in 814.
• Azerbaijan - National Anthem of the Republic of Azerbaijan.  This one sounds like it was titled by Borat.
• The Bahamas - March On, Bahamaland.  Seriously?  March on?  Where -- to the beach?
• Belarusian National Republic - Come, We Shall March in Joint Endeavor.  I don't think I could say this with a straight face. 
• Cameroon - Rallying Song.  Didn't we sing this one at summer camp?
• Canada - O Canada.  In all seriousness, I love O Canada.
• China, People's Republic of - The March of the Volunteers.  Oh yes, they are all volunteers.
• Cuba - The Bayamo Song.  Is that another way of spelling Babalu?
• Egypt - My Homeland, My Homeland, My Homeland.  Yeah yeah yeah. 
• Eritrea - Eritrea, Eritrea, Eritrea.  Again, yeah yeah yeah.
• France - La Marseillaise.  Love this one too.
• Guam - Stand Ye Guamanians.  Be honest -- did you know they were called Guamanians?
• Israel - Hatikvah.  Love this one too.  In fact, we believe an ancestor of my brother-in-law wrote it.
• Italy - the Song of the Italians.  Completely appropriate.
• Jamaica - Jamaica, Land We Love.  I was hoping for the Banana Boat Song.
• Jordan - Long Live the King!  I think the exclamation point is mandatory!
• Libya - God Is Greatest!  But only when Gaddafi has the day off.
• Netherlands Antilles - Anthem Without a Title.  Does this count as a title?

Dr. Seuss Never Gets Old

Today is the birthday of Dr. Seuss.

I posted some of these pictures before but I never get tired of admiring them.  Horton (with his egg) is one of my favorites:

I feel so lucky to have these paintings in our house to admire whenever we like.  They make me smile.

Dr. Seuss's writing has been important to our family for decades; sometimes I still read his books to my kids.  Whenever I buy a baby gift, it always includes a dose of the Doctor.

Wordless Wednesday: Advertising OOPS

Strange March Holidays

Making personalized calendars even more personal with the addition of memorable dates; here are some for March

FeeFiFoto was one of the first web sites to offer a service for customers to upload photographs, design, create and edit their own customized calendars.  This was a vast improvement over relying on Kinko's to:

• scan your photos
• crop your photos
• add your captions
• create your calendars
• call you for pickup
• miss some knuckleheaded mistake requiring them to rerun the entire project
• repeat until you finally gave up because you were tired of driving to Kinko's

Creating your own photo calendars online is so easy that you could make a different design for each recipient, leaving out the birthdays of yucky in-laws on calendars for all other relatives. 

You want your personalized calendar to be such an entertaining memento that the reader not only will keep it but will refer to it over and over just for its entertainment value?  We're making that part easy too.

Did you know March 20 is Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day?  How could you not make this special event a centerpiece of your annual gift calendar?

See below for other interesting March dates:

March

1

National Pig Day
Peanut Butter Lover's Day
Harry Caray, b. 1914

2

Old Stuff Day
Dr. Seuss, b. 1904

3

I Want You To Be Happy Day
Peach Blossom Day
National Anthem Day
Alexander Graham Bell, b. 1847

4

Holy Experiment Day
Knute Rockne, b. 1888
Antonio Vivaldi, b. 1678

5

Multiple Personalities Day

Shouldn't multiple personalities be entitled to more than one day?

6

National Frozen Food Day
Lou Costello, b. 1906

7

National Crown Roast Of Pork Day
Maurice Ravel, b. 1875

Defrost your crown roast on the 6th; see above

8

Be Nasty Day

9

Panic Day
Amerigo Vespucci, b. 1454

10

Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day

11

Johnny Appleseed Day
Worship Of Tools Day
Ralph Abernathy, b. 1926

12

Alfred Hitchcock Day

13

Jewel Day

14

Pi Day

Can you guess why?

Albert Einstein, b. 1879

Big hint...

National Potato Chip Day

Has nothing to do with the two previous dates

See also National Tortilla Chip Day

15

Ides Of March
Everything You Think Is Wrong Day
Buzzards Day

This one makes complete sense:

• On the Ides of March Julius Caesar thought he was safe. 
• He was wrong. 
• Consequently, he was consumed by buzzards.

16

Everything You Do Is Right Day
James Madison, b. 1751
Henny Youngman, b. 1906

My mother sat next to Henny Youngman at the Carnegie Deli once.  True story.

17

Submarine Day
Nat "King" Cole, b. 1919

18

Supreme Sacrifice Day

19

Wyatt Earp, b. 1848
Poultry Day

In honor of Poultry Day we all do the Chicken Dance

20

Proposal Day
Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
Fred "Mr." Rogers, b. 1928

21

Fragrance Day
Johann Sebastian Bach, b. 1685

22

National Goof-off Day

23

National Organize Your Home Office Day
National Chip And Dip Day

24

National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day
Harry Houdini, b. 1874

Here's a hint: don't feed chocolate covered raisins to the dog.  Just a hunch, but I suspect you'll be cleaning up after her for a couple of days.  Plus, PLEASE NOTE: raisins, grapes and chocolate can be lethal to dogs.

25

Pecan Day
Waffle Day

26

Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
Spinach Festival Day

27

National "Joe" Day

28

Something On A Stick Day

29

Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day

30

I Am In Control Day
Vincent Van Gogh, b. 1853

Definitely wasn't in control

31

Bunsen Burner Day
National Clams On The Half Shell Day

What do you do in observance of Pi Day?

See also: February Strange Holidays

Visit FeeFiFoto to create personalized photo calendars with all kinds of unusual holidays.

March 1 Is...

National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day.

I have nothing relevant to say about pigs or peanut butter.  So, I'm going to wing it.

Anne Hathaway is stunning, funny and talented.

James Franco has four master's degrees and is working on a PhD in English.

Using a hologram of Bob Hope to announce awards for special effects was downright creepy.

Inviting Kirk Douglas, a stroke survivor, to present an award was brilliant.

Jennifer Hudson is glorious.

What is Helena Bonham Carter thinking when she looks in her closet?  As a corollary, does she even own a mirror?

Why aren't Academy Award commercials as great as Super Bowl commercials?  Except for the Fancy Feast ad with the white kitten.

Natalie Portman attended Harvard.