FeeFiFoto Blog

Antfested

Today I was happy to get a postcard from camp, but by the time I had a chance to read it, the card, and the rest of the mail, was somewhat battered. Why? you may ask (or you may not but I’m going to tell you anyway).

Because ants have taken up residence in our mailbox.  

Now, ants are better than wasps, which have also taken up residence in our mailbox from time to time, but not by much because, let's face it, bugs is bugs and most of the time bugs in the mailbox are just plain alarming.  

Butterflies would be nice, or luna moths, but do we ever get in infestation of butterflies?  NooOOooOOOoo we do not, since that would be way too pleasant and picturesque.

So.  Ants.

The mail person had thoughtfully rubber banded the mail into a package with a thoughtful note that said “Ants in the mailbox,” and then had thoughtfully placed the package in the mailbox on top of the ants and thoughtfully left the door open, which usually encourages the ants to move out, but since the mail had just been delivered the ants were still in a tizzy trying to gather up all the ant infants ("antfants"?) and flee, so when I picked up the mail it was COVERED. With ants.

And then I was covered.

And that’s why anyone who might have driven by at that approximate moment would have witnessed me vigorously shaking the mail and frantically smacking it against the car. I’m sure I looked completely insane but I don’t think anyone was watching and I don’t really care if anyone was because: Ants. Eww.

And that's why all of today's mail is somewhat ragged.

Oh -- don't forget to take a look at the SodaStream soda maker I'm GIVING AWAY.

How Much Soda (Or Pop, If You're From Chicago) Do You Drink Every Day? (GIVEAWAY)

I write about environmental issues often.  I think about them every day.  We try to buy fresh foods and avoid unnecessary packaging.  We use canvas shopping bags.  We clean and freshen our home and laundry with diluted vinegar.  We recycle.  We compost.  We plant trees and beneficial plants and shun herbicides (although a touch of Roundup can be helpful in maintaining a safe distance from poison ivy).  I receive and pay bills online.  I turn lights off, air conditioners up and furnaces down, and we supplement with fans and blankets.

I'm always on the lookout for loopholes to close in the environmental protection category.  For instance, I tried to get a beekeeper to install hives on our property but we have too much shade, which would have caused the bees to leave the scene of the hive and relocate. 

 
The only bees we can accommodate are Spelling Bees

I next explored solar panels but again with the shade already; the installer said he might be able to put them in if I took down some trees but that suggestion generated a sandstorm of flabbergasted cognitive dissonance in my mind, so we'll have no solar panels unless the specific trees blocking the sun's rays fall down on their own.

In my continuing crusade to cut costs and waste, I bought a SodaStream Soda Maker.  Seriously.

Here's a baby photo of the little darling

As a kid I was an Extreme Soda Drinker.  I sipped Pepsi through a hollow stick of chocolate licorice and sampled root beer as if it were wine.  I made cream soda ice cubes so my drink wouldn't get watered down.  I lived a perpetually sugared and caffeinated life, and had little trouble staying awake.

Once I grew up, though, I couldn't get past the 12 teaspoons of sugar thing, and artificial sweeteners give me a headache.  As an adult I've learned to love sparkly water, and so do my kids.  While our favorites are Pellegrino (expensive) and Voss (SERIOUSLY expensive), we mostly buy Mendota because the cans fit neatly in the drawers of our refrigerator and normally don't shatter if you drop them.  Still -- gee whiz -- we went through the stuff like it was... water.  Every day we'd open at least six cans, which adds up to buying several twelve packs at a time, schlepping them home, and crushing and recycling the empties.  At $4.39 a twelve pack, not including tax, we spent about $800 a year to have our noses tickled by CO₂ bubbles.

Eight. hundred. dollars. on. water. I'm hyperventilating as I write this. I need some water.

So when I saw a SodaStream Soda Maker online I said to myself: "Who was that masked man?  I didn't even get to thank him."  "Hey!  If we make our own sparkly water -- why, we might even save a few pennies!  And carry less home from the supermarket!  And not have to retrieve escaped cans from beneath the accelerator and brake pedals.  And have more room in the refrigerator for leftovers, cold cuts and batteries!  And produce less trash!  And have something new to be supercilious about!"

Our kit came with bottles specially designed to fit the soda maker, the soda maker itself, flavorings, and a refillable canister of CO₂.  It's so preposterously simple: attach the filled water bottle to the spout and press the button.  The more gas you give it, the larger and more abundant the bubbles.  When the carbon dioxide bottle is empty, you send it back to the company, at their cost, for a replacement.  We keep two bottles on hand so we're never without one because, seriously, we use the SodaStream every. single. day.  Now that I've convinced the kids that eleventy pumps of CO₂ will just cause your eyeballs to bug out distressingly when you drink the water, we actually are saving money.

I've seen the SodaStream at various housewares stores and I think every home should have one, but you needn't pull out the checkbook quite yet because I'M GIVING ONE AWAY.  The set contains one SodaStream soda maker (the Fizz Starter Kit, which, according to SodaStream, features "Patented Fizz Chip^TM Technology to monitor gas and fizz levels"), and one bottle of carbon dioxide gas, all of which costs $149.99 on the SodaStream site.  

But wait!  There's more!  

SodaStream has also provided ten bottles of soda flavorings:

• Cranberry-raspberry, enough to make 12 liters
• Green Tea Pomegranate Peach, 12 liters
• Cola, 6 liters
• Black Currant and Pear, 6 liters
• Root Beer, 12 liters
• Ginger Ale, 12 liters
• Diet Lemon-Lime, 12 liters
• Diet Cola, 12 liters
• Diet Pink Grapefruit, 12 liters, and
• Energy Drink, 12 liters

The combined cost of all these flavorings, if you bought them from SodaStream, would be $70.

So there you are.  A free soda maker.  Free flavorings.  Save money.  Generate less trash.  See?  Everybody wins!

Here are the rules:

You may enter this giveaway until midnight on July 13.  I will draw a name at random the morning of July 14.

You may enter your name in the pool up to four times by doing any or all of the following (no duplicates, please):

• Leave a comment on this post and make sure you supply a valid email address.  Any entries lacking an email address will be discarded.
• Tweet this giveaway and provide the URL to that tweet in another comment on this post.
• Blog about this giveaway and leave the URL to your blog post in yet another comment here.
• Become a follower of my blog (please please) and leave me a comment to that effect.
• That's it: four comments equal four entries 
• The winner will be selected at random, and I will notify you by e-mail. You'll have 72 hours to get in touch with me, or I'll have to draw a new winner. 

Disclosure: This post was not sponsored by SodaStream.  I am not being compensated for writing about their product.  I merely got in touch with them to let them know I was preparing to write about the soda maker we've enjoyed for two years, and they graciously sent me a new machine and a full kit of accessories, which I am passing along to one of my readers.

It's All About me, Isn't It?

I've been featured on someone else's blog, Musings of a Sarcastic Mind.  Look here.  This is such a surprise.  I'm humbled and grateful.  I'd like to thank my manager, my manicurist, my psychic, my high colonic therapist, my kindergarten teacher... HEY!  Turn that music OFF!  I'm not finished thanking yet.

A Letter To Some Of My Friends

Dear Some (Not All) of My Friends:

We all know it's a bummer to expect a phone call, wait for a phone call, but not receive a phone call.  If it's all the same to you, I'm going to stop calling you to catch up and get together, because waiting for you to return my calls is a bummer.  Some of you remind me of those guys who seemed to enjoy my company but never called for a second date.   

I know you're busy; we all are.  We don't circulate in precisely the same circles; our kids are different ages or in different schools; we may not live near each other.  We're tickled to meet by accident; we swear we'll get together soon, but I feel like I'm the one who always picks up the phone to arrange something.  Frankly, calling you and hoping for a return phone call depresses me.

I think I'm a good friend.  I'm always available if you need help or want to talk; when I have to find out what you're up to by talking to other friends or reading your Facebook updates, it hurts my feelings not to be included.  You say you feel terribly guilty about not keeping in touch and promise you'll call me, but you don't.

I'm not angry.  I am, however, disappointed that we seem to see each other twice a year and mostly at my instigation.  I get annoyed when I leave you a happy birthday message and you don't even acknowledge that.

Don't misunderstand me; I love you all dearly.  I'll be there for you if you ever need me, but you'll have to let me know you need me because I won't be checking in.  My affection for you hasn't changed, but I can tell I'm not on the top of your to do list and I accept that.  If I want to be mercilessly honest with myself, I've sensed it for a long time and it has always made me sad.  Maybe now there'll be a little less sadness clouding my days, since I'll no longer be expecting and hoping to hear from you.

Feel free to get in touch with me any time you want.  I promise I'll return your call.

Love, Me

Wordless Wednesday: This Made Me Chuckle

Approaching Halfway There: Waiting To Hit The Tipping Point

Leaving the yard to its own devices doesn't equal not having to perform any yard maintenance.  Someday if all the stars align and the moles retreat, resulting in no more mole tunnels and the added bonus (redundant, I know) of the absence of any temptation for Miss Puppy to dig holes for moles although she'd still have the chipmunks to keep her busy...

Was I saying something?

Ah.  If the stars align and the weather is good and absent any other interference (Go cicadas, go!) (If you're like me you now have the theme to Speed Racer running through your brain.  Sorry.) the yard will someday be covered with more moss rather than less, with clover in the sunny spots and liriope and hostas filling the very large and shaded center island.

But we're not there yet.  I'm outside every day (weather permitting; I don't do cold) with a weed-lever-puller-upper thingy displacing dandelions, plantain weeds and violets that encroach on the liriope.  I've filled buckets and buckets and more buckets with weeds; I'm convinced that once the moss takes over no other weeds will be able to set up housekeeping but until that happens I'm weeding my fingers to the bone.

In addition, I'm taking down leggy rhododendrons a few at a time and replacing them with bamboo (don't panic; it's the clumping kind), which will be self-sustaining, easier to contain, half the height of the fence and particularly beneficial for the environment.

I feel like I'm about halfway there, although I'm not sure yet which side of "about halfway there" I'm on right now.

So I've been thinking: how do you identify a tipping point?  How do you know when you've reached the apex and it's all downhill from here?

I have the same question when it comes to measuring progress inside the house.

I used to binge and binge on clothes and decorative objects and kitchenware and scissors and when the closets and basement and garage got full I bought a bigger house.  When the kids came along I had to get more and bigger stuff for them: cribs, toys, sports equipment, more furniture, more books, more dishes.  We got a fish tank, a microscope, a video game, a basketball hoop, sleeping bags, themed bedspreads, themed sheets, baseball hats, Legos and clip-together toys similar to Legos but with different names to distinguish them from Legos.  We had fleece blankets and woven blankets and king-sized blankets and throw blankets and Dora the Explorer blankets.  We had stand up vacuums, handheld vacuums, rechargeable vacuums and robot vacuums.  We accumulated hammers, wrenches, screwdrivers, nails, screws, shovels, spades, rakes, brooms, cutters, clippers and loppers.

Oh, and lots and lots of shoes.

Sometime in the past few years I quit buying everything that didn't buy me first and started trying to get rid of more stuff than we brought in.  And it was HARD.

Replace old, beat-up luggage, but what to do with it?  Nobody wants tired old luggage with no wheels, so it just sat in the basement for a couple of years until I gave it to the Salvation Army.

Get rid of clothes that don't fit or are out of style or have holes or haven't been worn in at least two years.  But I might wear that holey tee shirt under something so maybe I should keep it.

The fish poacher?  I used to use it but the kids don't want to eat poached salmon and if they did I could use a vegetable steamer anyway.  The mortar and pestle?  I used it once for a cookie recipe and we didn't even like the cookies.

I've been going through closets, cabinets and pantries for a couple of years now.  It helps to do it when I'm in a foul mood because I show no mercy: extra sheets that the kids might need for camp or college?  Out.  Shoes that I like but the dog chewed them?  Out.  The second and third string hand vacs, blowdryers and blankets?  Out.

Have I reached the halfway point?  How do I know?  Will I be able to tell when I open cabinets and drawers and they're empty?  Will I know when there are no more dandelions in the yard and all the rhododendrons have been replaced with bamboo?

How do you know when you're halfway there?  Are you ever halfway there, or is "halfway there" a myth like parallel lines that never meet even though they appear to?

Reader Participation: Here's Your Chance To Place Your Thumbprint On My Blog

To all my readers, past, present, future, intermittent, occasional, and anyone who stumbled here while searching for: "I forgot"; "holes in tee shirts"; "Lumpy Rutherford"; "chicken carrier"; "dancing chicken jokesday"; "existential brownies"; "how to grow moss over dead weeds," and many other peculiar and, quite frankly, frightening concepts:

I'm planning on improving and renovating my blog and I need some advice so please do your best to answer the following questions and any other applicable questions that spring to mind:

1. What has been your experience in changing and updating your blog?
2. Is there any format that seems to work best?
3. Is there any reason for me not to stay with Typepad?
4. Is there any reason I shouldn't go with Wordpress?
5. Why DID the Howells bring along so much luggage for a three-hour cruise?

Okay, Pumpkins?  Thanks ever so.

Good Grief! We Are Colossal Nerds!

As I write this Cupcake and I are watching ESPN. 

What are we watching, you might ask?

The Scripps National Spelling Bee.

Here are some of the words that have been spelled correctly so far:

• meridienne
• isochronal
• boutade
• deuteragonist
• duchesse
• anaphylaxis
• ovidian
• canaille
• excrescential
• supposititious

Yeah, we're nerds.  So what?

A Note To My Beloved Daughter

Actually FROM my beloved daughter, to herself, written and posted on her blog August 21, 2010:

Dear Future Self,

Remember how hard it was when you got to the last week of summer vacation and suddenly you had a bazillion math, reading, and writing assignments to finish? Don't let that happen again. Especially because summer 2011, you are going in to 6th grade and also going 8 weeks to camp. Listen to mom. Don't complain.

Just do your homework.

PS: To those who read it: My mom had me write this as a note to convince myself that ALL SUMMER HOMEWORK MUST BE DONE. This is a real live note to self.

I promised Cupcake I'd delay-post this so she could see it fresh when the 2010-2011 school year ends.  Now everyone visit her blog and cheer her on.  Thanks.