When they were so generous as to give me a Soda Stream Soda Maker to give away to one of my readers, I should have guessed that Soda Stream would be generous and accommodating throughout the transaction.
Lauren won the Soda Stream Soda Maker. Huzzah for Lauren.
She hasn't received it from me yet, though, and here's why:
- The Soda Stream Soda Maker came with a tall, thin bottle filled with compressed carbon dioxide, which, when inserted into the Soda Stream Soda Maker, jolts trillions of bubbles into a water bottle to produce what is known, in technical terminology, as sparkly water.
- The temperature round these parts has been hovering around 100o with a wind chill heat index climbing to somewhere in the neighborhood of SEVENTY ELEVENTY BAZILLION degrees.
- Leaving a bottle of compressed CO2 in a car in this weather would lead to explosion, scandal and visits from the FBI, therefore...
- Instead of being left in the back of the car with dry cleaning that needs to be dropped off, spare books on Greek mythology, and a few anoraks in case the movie theater is cold, the Soda Stream Soda Maker had to be conveyed to the shipper as part of a carefully plotted expedition, with the first stop being UPS, since, see above: chaos, bedlam and visits from Navy SEALS, BUT...
- UPS can't ship a filled bottle of CO2 without certification from the shipper (otherwise known as me) of license to ship hazardous materials.
- Hazardous Materials certification requires training and testing and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
- UPS wouldn't even allow me to ship the CO2 piggybacked on the original HAZMAT paperwork under which the Soda Stream Soda Maker was shipped to me, no matter how many sweet smiles, substantial bribes or veiled threats I might proffer.
- Lauren is getting thirsty.
Try to do something nice... As they say, "No good deed goes unaccompanied by a substantial and demoralizing thrashing," or something like that.
To make a long story even longer...
I shipped the Soda Stream Soda Maker without the bottle of compressed CO2, which I then had to carry with me as I ran errands because, see above: explosions, pandemonium and visits from my mother.
I must have looked rather strange holding a wallet in one hand and a bottle of carbon dioxide in the other.
When I got home I called Soda Stream and explained my awkward and embarrassing problem and asked if there was anything they could do to help me out. They must encounter this issue often because they knew exactly what to do to ease my rattled soul. They're sending me a shipping label with their HAZMAT authorization information on it, to attach to the box I'll use to ship the CO2 bottle to poor Lauren, who's probably passing out from the heat in NYC by now, and can hardly wait to receive her Soda Stream Soda Maker.
Lesson learned. I'm not sure what that lesson was, but I sure as heck learned it.




