FeeFiFoto Blog

Strangers On A Train: Obnoxious Travelers

Dear Man Who Sat With Me And My Boys For Breakfast On The Train:

The motivation for this letter has almost nothing to do with your profuse ear and nose hair, although really -- could ya visit the barber once a month?  Seriously, dude, I've seen my father get haircuts.  I know barbers can get rid of all that volunteer hair in your ears and your nose and on your eyebrows and neck... and by the way, that combover suggestive of a Dairy Queen vanilla soft serve sundae? 

Not working and not fooling anybody.  Please do yourself your dining companions a favor: see a barber.

Well, okay, maybe not that one. Still, a haircut once a month couldn't hurt, and might make you a little more comfortable with yourself and a little less abusive to strangers.

A Letter To The Dog

Dear Miss Puppy:

Remember that time I said I was afraid of the high energy of pit bulls and preferred couch potatoey dogs that would just wait patiently to be patted?  And remember how your contract clearly stated that your breed, Tibetan Terrier, would exactly fit the couch potato job description, and therefore you wouldn't require an excessive amount of activity?  Remember all that?

Well, what happened yesterday when I had that cookie in my hand and asked you to lie down and you rocketed into the air and grabbed the cookie, biting my finger in your excitement?

I was just wondering.

PS: if you have a moment, click on the first link in this post.  It's funny.

A Note To Our New President

Dear President-Elect Obama:

This young man wants to interview you.  He presents himself professionally and intelligently.  Please consider meeting with him.  Remember -- it's always good to have the press on your side.

Thanks to Jeanne Sager at Strollerderby

Thursday Thirteen: Dear Santa

1. To Santa, Our names are Chris, Sarah and John. Chris is 12, Sarah 11 and our little brother john is 4. We have all been really good this year, excpet maybe John sometimes. We have put up our Christmas tree and we got to put the decorations on. We have bought mum and dad a present and also our granny. Hopefully we will get lots of good presents for Christmas. It doesnt matter is you cant get us every thing we asked for. We will be happy with anything. Love Chris, Sarah and John P.S We will leave out some carrots for the reindeer.
2. DEAR SANTA CLAUS,I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT REAL BUT I'M 11 AND I DON'T BELIEVE ANYMORE, BUT IT WAS GREAT WHEN I DID O.K. BYE, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. *VERONICA* FROM: THE GREAT US OF A *
3. hellow Santa why do you put coal in kids stockings? 
4. I want 2 male guinea Pigs more than anything I know I will get em but I would love you to be on backup just in case
5. I love you vary much I want 37 things. 
6. Dear Mr and Mrs Claus it must be nice there at the North pole if i ever could go there i would it seems so preety there well i got go eat a snak Love ya Lauren
7. dear santa for christmes i want 100 barbies and 20 dolls. i want play do and a gold neclece. and i most want a cd player and i promes i wont brak it. from michelle (& after a little reprimand from Santa... Michelle writes back) dear santa im sorry about being gredy. insted i want 1 barbie an 1 doll an the other 99 barbies be gave to por people and the 19 dollys too. and i realy want mommy and daddy to give me a litle baby sister..please? i wont drop her and i will even chang dipers
8. dear Santa, Hi it is Erin I just wanted to know if I was on the bad or good list . e mail me back ERIN p.s.SANTA PLEAS GIVE ME SOMING GOOD.
9. I would love to be able have my grandma come visit on Christmas. She is all by herself in florida. Could you bring her here? oh, and can you get some toys too so I can play with her? thanks Sydney
10. DOUG I HAVE BEEN A GOOD BOY WAS ONLY BAD A FEW TIMES SORRY
11. hi i just want a suprise for Christmas but what do YOU want for Christmas bye keep on smiling :) :) p.'s im a girl and my name is Ayla
12. dear santy, r frend says ur not reel. r u? luv, megan and edith
13. Hi Santa... My kids have been brats....

from Growley.com

I'm Verklempt

Love letter from my daughter

This is what I found in Cleo's locker Tuesday night during the school Open House:

"Dear Mom,

    I don't know about you, but so far I like third grade.  A lot.  Everything is great.  Don't you think?  I am very excited to learn new things.  The only sad part is, I miss my teachers from 2nd grade.  Am I going to let a bump in the road get me down?  No.  Why? Because we are already learning and having fun.  I have a feeling an awesome year is coming.  Can't you feel it?

                Your best and only daughter ever,

                Cleo."

Where did this kid come from?

Visit Cleopatra-Queen-Of-The-Nile at her blog, The Big Hannah Montana Fan.

Airtime

Catching up on some pressing correspondence

Dear Family-Sitting-Behind-Me on today's four-hour flight:

Just a friendly suggestion: when you seat your toddlers next to each other on an airplane and they begin fighting, screaming and bashing each other, it might be a good idea to separate them.  Here's how it might work:

Grownup ---------- Toddler A ---------- Toddler B

becomes:

Toddler A ---------- Grownup ---------- Toddler B

or, alternatively:

Toddler B ---------- Grownup ---------- Toddler A

Either way this might help prevent the scenario in which your toddlers, as they engage in a fight to the finish, also engage in kicking the seats of the people in front of them (otherwise known as "me"); slamming their tray tables into the seats of the people in front of them (also otherwise known as "me"); and shrieking into the ears of the people in front of them (again otherwise known as "me").

Thank you for your support.

Yours truly, ME