Who's in charge here?

What?  You Say You Want To Know More?

I'm a recovering attorney with two kids, one dog, and a gift site called FeeFiFoto (duh).

1. I'm really good at parallel parking.  I give lessons.  I could park a school bus if I had to.  As long as the bus had an automatic transmission.
2. I can balance a spoon on my nose.  My mother complains that this seems to be the only skill I got out of four years of college and three years of law school.
3. I failed parallel parking on the driver's test.  Both times.  But I can do it now, I swear.  I even give lessons.
4. I'm pigeon-toed, which causes me to walk in circles if I'm not paying attention.
5. I know how to drive a standard transmission, just not one on a bus.
6. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
7. I can complete the New York Times crossword puzzle, in ink, any day of the week.  Most of the time.  Without cheating.
8. I've taught my children, Robespierre and Cupcake, how to balance spoons on their noses, mainly because I enjoy seeing my mother's reaction.
9. I'm a Beatlemaniac.
10. I'm a serious chocoholic.  Ask about the chocolate stories sometime.
11. Do they even make school buses with standard transmissions any more?
12. I enjoy being Jewish.  I like knowing I have something in common with every other Jewish person in the world.
13. I've never smoked a cigarette or taken drugs.  If you need someone who can honestly say that to your kids, call me.
14. I am Ironman.
15. I'm a single mother by choice, to two kids who have the same anonymous donor.  Yes, they are mine and no, I don't find being a single parent harder than it would be if I had a spouse, and no, I don't believe there's anything brave in what I've done, although everyone else seems to think so.  The best thing about being a single parent is that I get more kisses and hugs; the worst part is that I have to be the Queen of NO.
16. I've never been attacked by a wolverine.
17. I hated practicing law.  I spent most of my employment slinking around the office clinging to a wall, wearing beige in an attempt to blend in with the decor, staring at my feet in the hope of never making eye contact with anyone who might make me cry or force me to do my job, for which I clearly was not qualified.
18. I see dead people.
19. I have math phobia, although unleash me in a roomful of typos and grammatical errors and I'm happy as a hog in a mud puddle.  I might even correct the typos in your comments if you're really nice.  I can't wait until my kids are old enough to handle the family's finances.
20. I am Spartacus.
21. I hate exercise.  It's against my religion.  I do it only under great duress.
22. I've forgotten whether I've ever had amnesia.
23. I've never even seen a wolverine.
24. I gave up on contact lenses and went back to full-time glasses.  My dog ate them.
25. I killed a fly with a spoon once.
26. I'm a product of dueling genetics.  Half of my gene pool is Felix Ungar; the other is Oscar Madison.  As  a consequence, I'm a slob who hates a mess.
27. I've always depended on the kindness of strangers.
28. I have blue eyes that turn greenish when I wear green, purplish when I wear purple, and turquoiseish when I wear turquoise.
29. I've  attended two Super Bowls, in 1978 and 1981.  The Super Bowl was nowhere near as big a production as it is now; one halftime show was the finals of the Punt, Pass and Kick competition, and the other was the finals of the Canine Frisbee Championship.  No Paul McCartney, no Michael Jackson, no U2, no wardrobe malfunctions.
30. I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more.
31. This is Sparta.
32. I've  been within spitting distance of the following celebrities; although I'm too polite to have spit at any of them there are some at whom I might have liked to spit:  Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Eva Gabor*, Larry Hagman, Prince Philip, Shirley Jones*, Nelson Mandela, Neil Diamond, Oprah Winfrey and her friend Whatshername, Joe Namath, Hugh Grant, Teri Garr, Leonard Slatkin*, Joan Rivers, Lou Brock*, August Busch II*, Itzhak Perlman*  (key: "*" indicates handshake or conversation).
33. I don't think I even know what a wolverine looks like.
34. My house is a shrine to my children.  In addition to piles of portraits and photos, I have quilts made from their baby clothes, framed artworks from every school year, and their first Halloween pumpkins, which I freeze dried.  By accident.
35. I can see Russia from my house.

**In 2006 I bought a personalized photo gift site called PhotoGiftPlace.com, which I've spent a lot of time renovating.  I changed the name to FeeFiFoto, and since then I've put hours and hours into adding new products, changing the look, and marketing products.  The site started out making personalized photo calendars and branched out into personalized photo ornaments, mugs, dishes, apparel, watches, jewelry and lots more.